Day 11: Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

"Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
-Dylan Thomas

These lines from a poem by Dylan Thomas stuck out to me the other day. Maybe I should start taking this advice. I'm not talking about "the dying of the light" as the ending my life (as it is used in the context of the poem), but rather the things in life--relationships, hobbies, passions, goals, dreams, etc.--that you want to keep forever but sometimes, as life moves along, you lose. I lose so many of the things I hold dear to me, but many times I feel like I let them go without a fight. So many things I'm not ready to let go of, but I don't exert enough effort to keep them from slipping away. I let them go gently into the good night. But should I?

I don't like change. I never have. I don't handle it well. And yet, when I encounter a significant change, do I do anything to stop it? To hold on to that thing I want so badly to keep in my life? To rage against the dying of that friendship or that dream of being on Broadway or that habit of writing every day or that goal of getting all As or that passion for photography? I don't. I do nothing but shrug my shoulders and bite my lip and watch them disappear from my life.

I'm not saying change is bad; it can lead to wonderful things. But not everything has to change. Sometimes consistency is a good thing. I just wonder why I don't fight harder to keep my life the way it was, especially when the way it was made me so much happier than the way it is. Sometimes I'm so much happier with who I was before than with who I am now.

I guess the time has come to learn how to be a fighter. Maybe I can learn to fight for the things I don't want to lose, and fight for the things I want back. Shouldn't be too hard, right?

P.S. Once school gets out, my blogs will be back up to their usual quality. Just been really busy with end-of-the-school-year everything, which is why I'm giving you lots of short posts and blow-off posts and really unnecessary things. Sorry about that. Love you all.<3

Currently reading: Survival in Auschwitz by Primo Levi
Song of the Day: Beautiful Things- Gungor

Day 10: AHHHHH

So, I just met with Chris, the director of the Recreation and Fitness Center on campus. Apparently, Valerie (a friend of mine who does social media for them) read my blog post about my Disney fitness class idea and loved it, showed it to her bosses (who also loved it) and then told me that those bosses wanted to meet with me as soon as possible to talk about it. So that is what happened today.

I told Chris about my idea and he said he loved it and was really excited about it. He then asked me if I could put together a 20-30 minute sample class and, sometime before the end of next week, teach this sample class to a few of the fitness instructors there. This would be my "interview" of sorts. If they like it and think I can handle it, they want to put me on the schedule for the spring/summer semesters. In other words, I WOULD BEGIN IN JUST A FEW WEEKS.

I. Am. Freaking. Out.

I am so excited about this idea and so happy that it might actually happen. God is definitely smiling on me, because He is furthering this along far more quickly than I would have imagined. However, I AM SO NERVOUS. Not only have I never officially taught anything before (I help teach a song I helped choreograph in Zumba, and I've helped teach the routines in choir back in high school, but that's it), but I have also never done any real choreography. I don't even know if I CAN do choreography. And now I have about a week to choreograph my whole class. TERRIFYING, let me tell you. Thrilling, but terrifying.

Soooooo I have class in ten minutes, but I really just wanted to tell you all about this. I am so excited and so nervous and so adslfkjsadkfj. This is just crazy as heck and fast and new and I'm sorry for the rambly post but ahhhhhh! Okay. Talk to you guys tomorrow. <3

Currently reading: Survival in Auschwitz by Primo Levi
Song of the Day: Love Don't Roam cover- Halia Meguid

Day 9: I keep forgetting.

I keep forgetting about this whole blogging thing until right before I go to bed. I have things to tell you but I would rather wait until tomorrow when I know more, so I'll just tell you all that I watched How to Train Your Dragon for the first time today and I am in love with it. Cutest movie in the world. And I have a cartoon-crush on Hiccup (don't judge, you know you have them). And Toothless reminds me of my cat. That is all for tonight.
So sorry for slacking on you guys. I'll try to do better. <3

Day 8

This is the post that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started reading it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue reading it forever just because this is the post that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started reading it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue reading it forever just because this is the post that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started reading it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue reading it forever just because this is the post that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started reading it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue reading it forever just because this is the post that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started reading it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue reading it forever just because this is the post that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started reading it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue reading it forever just because this is the post that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started reading it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue reading it forever just because this is the post that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started reading it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue reading it forever just because this is the post that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started reading it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue reading it forever just because this is the post that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started reading it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue reading it forever just because this is the post that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started reading it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue reading it forever just because this is the post that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started reading it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue reading it forever just because this is the post that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started reading it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue reading it forever just because this is the post that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started reading it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue reading it forever just because this is the post that never ends . . .

Day 7: This is . . .

. . . me with the Easter bunny. (Taken by my stepmom)

. . . a ridiculous number of plastic eggs on a football field.


. . . photobombing.


. . . the Magnolia tree in my front yard. It blooms once a year for a week or two.


. . . a dog wearing a vest.


. . . a cop out post. I am lazy and tired and had no idea what to write today so I decided to take advantage of the fact that I photographed our church's Easter egg hunt this morning.

I apologize.

Currently reading: Survival in Auschwitz by Primo Levi
Song of the Day: Call Me Maybe- Carly Rae Jepsen

Day 6: Something worth leaving behind.

"You are valuable because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are."
-Max Lucado

Do you ever wonder what the point is? Do you ever wonder if you'll ever be anything more than what you are?

When I was little, my mom used to tell me I was special. The same way, I suppose, that all mothers tell their children they're special. But I always believed her because of the story that went along with it. You see, before I came along, my mom was pregnant with her first child, Jamie. Jamie, unfortunately, never made it into the world. You can imagine the disappointment and heartbreak expectant parents feel when this happens, but God always has a plan, through the good times and the bad. Shortly afterward, my mom found out she was pregnant with me.

So she always used to tell me that there was a reason I was born instead. That although it was painful for her to lose Jamie, if she hadn't, I wouldn't be here. And that, she told me, made me special. It meant I was here for a particular reason. It meant that I would be important. And this made sense to me. It truly made me believe that I was destined for great things. That I would make a difference in the world. That I really would, someday, be special.

As I grew up I came to realize that there was nothing particularly interesting or different about me. I didn't feel special yet. I had big dreams, though, and I held on to those dreams, thinking they would be the difference. If I just followed my heart, kept my plans, chased my dreams, and didn't give up, I would become someone and I would find that meaning I was longing to find. The reason I was here.

Recently, I've been struggling with a similar feeling. The why-am-I-here feeling. Feeling like maybe there's no point to my life; after all, I've never done anything of worth, and who's to say I ever will? What if I never do anything of worth? What if I'm running out of time? During an emotional conversation with my mom last weekend, this feeling made a reappearance, and I mentioned it to her. She replied that it wasn't about me; whether or not I did something people would remember or did something that changed the world wasn't the important thing. It was about God and His plan, and He knows what he's doing. Every person on this Earth was put here for a reason, and each and every one one of us has a purpose. Just because you're not aware of what it is doesn't mean it doesn't exist. After all, you have no idea of the lives you've touched in your lifetime. You have no idea of who you've affected and how you've done so, or who may have had a better life, day, or even just couple of moments because of something you've done.

And I realize that she's right. I may never do anything that will change the course of history. I may never cure a disease, step onto a Broadway stage, paint a valuable painting, voice a Disney character, travel into space, write a book that makes people think differently about things. But somehow, sometime, to someone, I will make a difference. And isn't that reason enough to believe that I matter?

It's hard sometimes, to remember that your life isn't all about you and whether or not people will remember your name. It's about so many more things. You, of course, are an extremely important part of it. But it's also about every person you come in contact with, everything you do, and the One who gave you life. Sometimes it just takes remembering this to see how much you mean.

Currently reading: Survival in Auschwitz by Primo Levi (Ahh, History 1300)
Song of the Day: The More I Seek You- Kari Jobe

BEDA 4/5: If that's the way you love, you've got to learn so much.

Hey everyone.
Truthfully, I do not want to be writing this post right now. I'm in a terrible mood and I'm in a hurry and I just want to cry or scream or punch a pillow.
Do you ever get in those moods where you feel like the entire world has offended you, even though an argument with one person is all that caused it? I don't know why, but this happens to me fairly often.
I like to consider myself a generally happy person, but far more often that I'm proud of, I fall prey to ridiculous, pointless mood swings. I become irritable and grouchy and particularly sensitive. It's not a personality trait I've proud of, but not I've been able to shake so far. It rarely happens around my friends. For the most part, it happens with my family; the people I'm closest to. Not very loving behavior, I realize. I'm not sure if it's just because because they've seen me at my worst anyway, so I'm less worried about them seeing that side of me, or if it's because I'm just around them so much, or what. I wish I knew how to get rid of it, though.
Do you any of you have this problem? Do you have any suggestions on how to . . . keep it from happening, I guess?
I know a lot of people say that it's a choice. Choose to be happy. Choose not to be upset, annoyed, angry, sad, etc. But I guess that often feels impossible in the moment. Does this make me ridiculous? Juvenile? Immature? I don't know.
Sorry for the downer of a post, again. I really need to work on this blogging thing. I do feel better, though. So thanks.

Currently reading: Nothing. SO MUCH SCHOOLWORK.
Song of the Day: Disney Animazement Trio