Learning How to Be Happy

I know it's been a while since I've posted, because I've been extremely lazy lately. I kept WANTING to post, but I didn't feel like with coming up with anything interesting to talk about. However, I'm feeling really good right now and I kind of wanted to share the feeling, especially with anyone who might be struggling with or going through the same thing that I have.
Lately, I've been feeling pretty bad about myself. I've been feeling really down on myself in a lot of ways. I felt like I wasn't good enough for anything, a problem that, up until recently, I haven't really had. At least, not to this extent. There was no one reason for these feelings, but I think one of the big contributing factors was loneliness.
As you might remember if you read my blog during BEDA, I had a post about how I had been feeling pretty lonely and upset. That feeling didn't go away. For the longest time, I believed that there must be a REASON why I'm lonely. If I feel lonely, it must be because people don't value me enough to make me feel otherwise. If a friend flakes on plans, it must be because I'm not interesting enough or enough fun to hang out with. If I don't have a boyfriend, it must be because I'm not attractive enough or cool enough or because I'm too awkward or unappealing.
Let me tell you, the best feeling in the world is finally realizing, and BELIEVING, that these things aren't true.
Beginning to believe that I'm not the inadequate person I thought I was did not require a change in the way I looked, a change in who I was, or a change in my relationship status. It just required a change of perspective.
Today, my best friend Sarah and I were talking. Both of us were feeling ESPECIALLY bad, dealing with these same feelings of inadequacy. I had just read a very good (very romantic) book, and for some reason, upon finishing it, I was depressed, lonely, and annoyed with myself. I felt like I would never have a relationship like the one in the book, and that was all I wanted. And on top of that, I was irritated with myself for feeling that way. I told Sarah about this and we had been venting back and forth about it to each other for a while, trying to figure out a way to fix it, when suddenly it came to me. We were upset because we were letting circumstances we had no control over determine our happiness. And then I asked myself why. Why is it that in order to feel like I matter, I need everyone to like me or be my best friend? Why is it that I feel like I need a guy in my life to make me feel valid? Why is it that I need everything to work out exactly the way I want it in order to be happy with my life?
Then I realized the answer: I don't.
Suddenly, I felt so much better about everything. For lack of a better, less clichéd phrase, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me. And I felt excited. Happy.
So I texted Sarah back telling her exactly this. That I'm done letting ANYONE (or the lack of anyone, like certain friends or a boyfriend) make me unhappy. I'm done letting other people or circumstances determine my happiness, or make me feel unworthy or undeserving of being happy and confident and proud of who I am. Both of us decided that we are going to stop letting this kind of thing get to us. As long as we are happy with who we are, why do we need other people to make us feel good about ourselves?
If you don't like yourself, a million friends or thousands of Twitter followers or an attractive boyfriend or a ton of subscribers on Youtube aren't going to make happier with yourself. And if you do like yourself, it's not because you have any of those things, and you don't need those things to continue to be happy. So why worry about it? Why stress yourself out? Why let other people change the way you see yourself?
I can't think of a good enough reason why. So maybe there is no reason good enough. And that is what I'm going to keep in mind from now on.
And if you are struggling with this same problem, ask yourself that same question.
Think of the most beautiful person you know. If they didn't (or don't) have a boy/girlfriend to tell them how beautiful they are, would that make them ugly?
Think of the funniest person you know. If no one was there laughing at their jokes, would that make them any less funny?
Think of your favorite author, singer, actor, athlete, etc. If they didn't have fans admiring their work, would that make them any less talented?
Or the most intelligent or kind or genuine person you know. If people don't tell them how smart or nice they are, does that make them any less so?
Would these people be any different if they weren't always reassured about themselves? I don't see a single reason why they would be.
John and Hank Green wouldn't be any less giving and kind and caring without the nerdfighters. Hayley G. Hoover wouldn't be any less hilarious or intelligent without 41,717 Youtube subscribers. Maureen Johnson wouldn't be less funny or a worse writer without her 22,398 Twitter followers and 10 published novels. Charlie McDonnell wouldn't be any less adorable or awesome if he didn't have thousands of girls fangirling over his every move.
So really, who needs all that stuff? If you have it, congratulations. That's awesome and wonderful, because you've probably worked really hard to get it and if you have, you deserve it. But if you don't, so what? You're just as awesome and worthy of confidence and happiness as anyone who does. So cheer up and stop being so down on yourself! Trust me, it feels amazing.

Also, Marauders? I AM A PICKLE.

Currently reading: Charmed Thirds by Megan McCafferty.(But I JUST TODAY finished Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins. It was fantastic, so I have to mention it.)
Song of the Day: Details in the Fabric- Jason Mraz ft. James Morrison