It's the end of the year again, everyone! The time of year when everyone makes top ten lists and creates new year's resolutions and buys party hats and alcohol in preparation for the big celebration that takes place in order to count down from sixty and watch a giant ball drop (a tradition that I still don't really understand but enjoy celebrating).
Anyway, it's also the time when people think back on what they've done the past year. Including me. Which is why I'm making a list some big things from this year of my life that I want to remember. Or maybe don't want to remember, but I'll include them anyway. I wrote one last year, which you can find on my other blog that's no longer in use if you really want. But you probably don't, so I will continue. =)
-Saw my favorite artist and my favorite band live
-Paid $90 for a concert ticket, the most I will EVER pay
-Saw In The Heights and Spring Awakening on stage, cried, got chills, and fell in love with each of them
-Got my driver's license
-Got my heart broken for the first time
-FINALLY read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
-Became obsessed with Harry Potter and became part of the fandom
-Started my own wizard rock band
-Saw my first wizard rock concert
-Met some of my role models
-Met two of the Five Awesome Girls
-Was in
-Met my first (and second) internet friend IRL
-Participated in my second Project for Awesome
-WON my first NaNoWriMo, leaving me with 50,000 of an actual novel
-Discovered a passion for writing
-Decided I want to be an author
-Participated in HPAFTW and made some amazing new friends that I talk to every day (I love you Marauders!)
-Lived my last year as a teenager
-Failed my first two classes EVER
-Went to a club for the first time
-Learned how to salsa dance
-Tried Chipotle for the first time and loved it
-Heard a family member sing on the radio
-Got bangs for the first time since fourth grade
-Made a video with my friends that was watched by one of my biggest role models
-Got Twitter-engaged ;)
-Met an actor who played a lead character on a show I used to watch all the time
-Learned what it's like to have less than five dollars to my name
-Watched friends and family travel abroad or across the country while I stayed home
-Made plans to GET OUT!
-Changed my major to something I've always wanted, and then decided I wanted something else even more
-Started making videos on Youtube
-Dressed up for a Harry Potter midnight release for the first time
-Started teaching myself to play guitar
-Went from actual depression to becoming more happy and proud and comfortable with myself than I ever have been
Thanks, 2010. You've been so good to me. I can't wait to see what 2011 has waiting, and I can't wait to do all the things I already have planned for it.
I hope 2010 treated all of you just as well, and I hope 2011 treats you even better. =)
DFTBA
Friday, December 31, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Learning How to Be Happy
I know it's been a while since I've posted, because I've been extremely lazy lately. I kept WANTING to post, but I didn't feel like with coming up with anything interesting to talk about. However, I'm feeling really good right now and I kind of wanted to share the feeling, especially with anyone who might be struggling with or going through the same thing that I have.
Lately, I've been feeling pretty bad about myself. I've been feeling really down on myself in a lot of ways. I felt like I wasn't good enough for anything, a problem that, up until recently, I haven't really had. At least, not to this extent. There was no one reason for these feelings, but I think one of the big contributing factors was loneliness.
As you might remember if you read my blog during BEDA, I had a post about how I had been feeling pretty lonely and upset. That feeling didn't go away. For the longest time, I believed that there must be a REASON why I'm lonely. If I feel lonely, it must be because people don't value me enough to make me feel otherwise. If a friend flakes on plans, it must be because I'm not interesting enough or enough fun to hang out with. If I don't have a boyfriend, it must be because I'm not attractive enough or cool enough or because I'm too awkward or unappealing.
Let me tell you, the best feeling in the world is finally realizing, and BELIEVING, that these things aren't true.
Beginning to believe that I'm not the inadequate person I thought I was did not require a change in the way I looked, a change in who I was, or a change in my relationship status. It just required a change of perspective.
Today, my best friend Sarah and I were talking. Both of us were feeling ESPECIALLY bad, dealing with these same feelings of inadequacy. I had just read a very good (very romantic) book, and for some reason, upon finishing it, I was depressed, lonely, and annoyed with myself. I felt like I would never have a relationship like the one in the book, and that was all I wanted. And on top of that, I was irritated with myself for feeling that way. I told Sarah about this and we had been venting back and forth about it to each other for a while, trying to figure out a way to fix it, when suddenly it came to me. We were upset because we were letting circumstances we had no control over determine our happiness. And then I asked myself why. Why is it that in order to feel like I matter, I need everyone to like me or be my best friend? Why is it that I feel like I need a guy in my life to make me feel valid? Why is it that I need everything to work out exactly the way I want it in order to be happy with my life?
Then I realized the answer: I don't.
Suddenly, I felt so much better about everything. For lack of a better, less clichéd phrase, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me. And I felt excited. Happy.
So I texted Sarah back telling her exactly this. That I'm done letting ANYONE (or the lack of anyone, like certain friends or a boyfriend) make me unhappy. I'm done letting other people or circumstances determine my happiness, or make me feel unworthy or undeserving of being happy and confident and proud of who I am. Both of us decided that we are going to stop letting this kind of thing get to us. As long as we are happy with who we are, why do we need other people to make us feel good about ourselves?
If you don't like yourself, a million friends or thousands of Twitter followers or an attractive boyfriend or a ton of subscribers on Youtube aren't going to make happier with yourself. And if you do like yourself, it's not because you have any of those things, and you don't need those things to continue to be happy. So why worry about it? Why stress yourself out? Why let other people change the way you see yourself?
I can't think of a good enough reason why. So maybe there is no reason good enough. And that is what I'm going to keep in mind from now on.
And if you are struggling with this same problem, ask yourself that same question.
Think of the most beautiful person you know. If they didn't (or don't) have a boy/girlfriend to tell them how beautiful they are, would that make them ugly?
Think of the funniest person you know. If no one was there laughing at their jokes, would that make them any less funny?
Think of your favorite author, singer, actor, athlete, etc. If they didn't have fans admiring their work, would that make them any less talented?
Or the most intelligent or kind or genuine person you know. If people don't tell them how smart or nice they are, does that make them any less so?
Would these people be any different if they weren't always reassured about themselves? I don't see a single reason why they would be.
John and Hank Green wouldn't be any less giving and kind and caring without the nerdfighters. Hayley G. Hoover wouldn't be any less hilarious or intelligent without 41,717 Youtube subscribers. Maureen Johnson wouldn't be less funny or a worse writer without her 22,398 Twitter followers and 10 published novels. Charlie McDonnell wouldn't be any less adorable or awesome if he didn't have thousands of girls fangirling over his every move.
So really, who needs all that stuff? If you have it, congratulations. That's awesome and wonderful, because you've probably worked really hard to get it and if you have, you deserve it. But if you don't, so what? You're just as awesome and worthy of confidence and happiness as anyone who does. So cheer up and stop being so down on yourself! Trust me, it feels amazing.
Also, Marauders? I AM A PICKLE.
Currently reading: Charmed Thirds by Megan McCafferty.(But I JUST TODAY finished Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins. It was fantastic, so I have to mention it.)
Song of the Day: Details in the Fabric- Jason Mraz ft. James Morrison
Lately, I've been feeling pretty bad about myself. I've been feeling really down on myself in a lot of ways. I felt like I wasn't good enough for anything, a problem that, up until recently, I haven't really had. At least, not to this extent. There was no one reason for these feelings, but I think one of the big contributing factors was loneliness.
As you might remember if you read my blog during BEDA, I had a post about how I had been feeling pretty lonely and upset. That feeling didn't go away. For the longest time, I believed that there must be a REASON why I'm lonely. If I feel lonely, it must be because people don't value me enough to make me feel otherwise. If a friend flakes on plans, it must be because I'm not interesting enough or enough fun to hang out with. If I don't have a boyfriend, it must be because I'm not attractive enough or cool enough or because I'm too awkward or unappealing.
Let me tell you, the best feeling in the world is finally realizing, and BELIEVING, that these things aren't true.
Beginning to believe that I'm not the inadequate person I thought I was did not require a change in the way I looked, a change in who I was, or a change in my relationship status. It just required a change of perspective.
Today, my best friend Sarah and I were talking. Both of us were feeling ESPECIALLY bad, dealing with these same feelings of inadequacy. I had just read a very good (very romantic) book, and for some reason, upon finishing it, I was depressed, lonely, and annoyed with myself. I felt like I would never have a relationship like the one in the book, and that was all I wanted. And on top of that, I was irritated with myself for feeling that way. I told Sarah about this and we had been venting back and forth about it to each other for a while, trying to figure out a way to fix it, when suddenly it came to me. We were upset because we were letting circumstances we had no control over determine our happiness. And then I asked myself why. Why is it that in order to feel like I matter, I need everyone to like me or be my best friend? Why is it that I feel like I need a guy in my life to make me feel valid? Why is it that I need everything to work out exactly the way I want it in order to be happy with my life?
Then I realized the answer: I don't.
Suddenly, I felt so much better about everything. For lack of a better, less clichéd phrase, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me. And I felt excited. Happy.
So I texted Sarah back telling her exactly this. That I'm done letting ANYONE (or the lack of anyone, like certain friends or a boyfriend) make me unhappy. I'm done letting other people or circumstances determine my happiness, or make me feel unworthy or undeserving of being happy and confident and proud of who I am. Both of us decided that we are going to stop letting this kind of thing get to us. As long as we are happy with who we are, why do we need other people to make us feel good about ourselves?
If you don't like yourself, a million friends or thousands of Twitter followers or an attractive boyfriend or a ton of subscribers on Youtube aren't going to make happier with yourself. And if you do like yourself, it's not because you have any of those things, and you don't need those things to continue to be happy. So why worry about it? Why stress yourself out? Why let other people change the way you see yourself?
I can't think of a good enough reason why. So maybe there is no reason good enough. And that is what I'm going to keep in mind from now on.
And if you are struggling with this same problem, ask yourself that same question.
Think of the most beautiful person you know. If they didn't (or don't) have a boy/girlfriend to tell them how beautiful they are, would that make them ugly?
Think of the funniest person you know. If no one was there laughing at their jokes, would that make them any less funny?
Think of your favorite author, singer, actor, athlete, etc. If they didn't have fans admiring their work, would that make them any less talented?
Or the most intelligent or kind or genuine person you know. If people don't tell them how smart or nice they are, does that make them any less so?
Would these people be any different if they weren't always reassured about themselves? I don't see a single reason why they would be.
John and Hank Green wouldn't be any less giving and kind and caring without the nerdfighters. Hayley G. Hoover wouldn't be any less hilarious or intelligent without 41,717 Youtube subscribers. Maureen Johnson wouldn't be less funny or a worse writer without her 22,398 Twitter followers and 10 published novels. Charlie McDonnell wouldn't be any less adorable or awesome if he didn't have thousands of girls fangirling over his every move.
So really, who needs all that stuff? If you have it, congratulations. That's awesome and wonderful, because you've probably worked really hard to get it and if you have, you deserve it. But if you don't, so what? You're just as awesome and worthy of confidence and happiness as anyone who does. So cheer up and stop being so down on yourself! Trust me, it feels amazing.
Also, Marauders? I AM A PICKLE.
Currently reading: Charmed Thirds by Megan McCafferty.(But I JUST TODAY finished Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins. It was fantastic, so I have to mention it.)
Song of the Day: Details in the Fabric- Jason Mraz ft. James Morrison
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
NoMoreWriMo
Well, everyone, it's officially December 1st.
This means several things.
It means that there are only a few short weeks (which will undoubtedly feel like months) until Christmas.
It means that snow is soon to be covering the ground.
It means Starbucks is serving delicious Christmas flavored coffees.
It means that adorable Christmas lights and decorations and trees are being put up everywhere.
It means that Pomplamoose Christmas Hyundai commercials are being sprinkled throughout the breaks in your television shows.
It means that in 16 days, it will be time for Project for Awesome and spam-wowing countless Youtube charity videos while watching hilarious Youtubers talk to you for 48 hours straight and neglecting to study for your finals.
And this year, for the first in my life, it means that I am an official NaNoWriMo winner.
This novel that I have made a priority over sleep, hygiene, homework, life in general . . . it is now over 50,000 words long, leaving me feeling extremely accomplished and very unsure of what to do with all my time now that it's over.
Of course, my novel isn't finished, and it won't be finished for a while. But without a deadline like I had during November, and without the excuse to pull all-nighters and ignore everything I should be doing because I have to meet my word count goal, this novel is going to be much more difficult and much less crazy to write. Which is simultaneously good and bad.
Although I do really enjoy this novel, it was difficult enough during NaNoWriMo to find the motivation to write it. But it there's one thing I've learned about writing, it's that you can be completely bored with your novel one minute, and absolutely in love with it the next. And during the boring, exhausting parts, you just have to slog through and know that the excitement is waiting, ready to pounce on you at any moment. Same with anything you do. Nothing is fun all the time. But the really great things are worth the boring parts.
Now, if you'll excuse me, it's 4:30 am and I haven't slept much this past week.
Not that I'm tired. I just kind of feel obligated to sleep.
Song of the Day: Deck the Halls- Pomplamoose Version
Currently (re)reading: A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray
This means several things.
It means that there are only a few short weeks (which will undoubtedly feel like months) until Christmas.
It means that snow is soon to be covering the ground.
It means Starbucks is serving delicious Christmas flavored coffees.
It means that adorable Christmas lights and decorations and trees are being put up everywhere.
It means that Pomplamoose Christmas Hyundai commercials are being sprinkled throughout the breaks in your television shows.
It means that in 16 days, it will be time for Project for Awesome and spam-wowing countless Youtube charity videos while watching hilarious Youtubers talk to you for 48 hours straight and neglecting to study for your finals.
And this year, for the first in my life, it means that I am an official NaNoWriMo winner.
This novel that I have made a priority over sleep, hygiene, homework, life in general . . . it is now over 50,000 words long, leaving me feeling extremely accomplished and very unsure of what to do with all my time now that it's over.
Of course, my novel isn't finished, and it won't be finished for a while. But without a deadline like I had during November, and without the excuse to pull all-nighters and ignore everything I should be doing because I have to meet my word count goal, this novel is going to be much more difficult and much less crazy to write. Which is simultaneously good and bad.
Although I do really enjoy this novel, it was difficult enough during NaNoWriMo to find the motivation to write it. But it there's one thing I've learned about writing, it's that you can be completely bored with your novel one minute, and absolutely in love with it the next. And during the boring, exhausting parts, you just have to slog through and know that the excitement is waiting, ready to pounce on you at any moment. Same with anything you do. Nothing is fun all the time. But the really great things are worth the boring parts.
Now, if you'll excuse me, it's 4:30 am and I haven't slept much this past week.
Not that I'm tired. I just kind of feel obligated to sleep.
Song of the Day: Deck the Halls- Pomplamoose Version
Currently (re)reading: A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray
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