Hey guys!
Now, I am a HUGE reader. I always have book in my purse, no matter what. Every free moment I have I'm reading. I fangirl books and authors the way some people fangirl (fanboy?) athletes or authors or musicians. So when I heard that two of my friends, Bianca and Faith, were having book giveaways on their blogs, I was super excited!
I know many of you who read this (basically my friends) are also big readers, so I thought I'd let you know!
Here are the links to enter- do it soon, because they're almost over!
Bianca's: http://nyxensadventure.blogspot.com/2010/09/nyxens-birthday-bash-giveaway.html
Faith's: http://machasebookreviews.blogspot.com/2010/09/tyger-tyger-giveaway.html
Enjoy, guys! And thanks!
Song of the Day: Saved- ALLCAPS
Currently Reading: City of Glass by Cassandra Clare
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Day 31: Here's Lookin' at You, Kid
You all know what today is.
Today is August 31, 2010.
(Fun fact: I just typed 2009. It is August and I still am unsure of the year.)
This means that today is also the last day of BEDA.
It's a sad, sad day.
I still have to find a monologue so I don't really have a lot of time, but I will definitely keep blogging (not every day, but more often than before!) and I will also keep making videos as much as I can. I've had a lot of fun this month exploring blogging and vlogging and just putting myself out there. I've also enjoyed reading everyone else's blogs and comments and learning more about them! I can't wait for April to do this again. =)
Also, tomorrow is September 1st, which means . . . 2 months until NaNoWriMo! I'm sooo excited for it. I'm already trying to think of ideas for my novel. I will WIN this year! November also marks the anniversary of me becoming a Nerdfighter. I can not tell you how much this community means to me and how much fun I have had now that I've been part of it. I love everybody in Nerdfighteria and all the amazing people that I've met, and how accepting and helpful and caring everyone I've met has been.
Don't even get me started on the Harry Potter fandom. That's a rambling for another day.
So, I'm gonna stop procrastinating and actually find a monologue so I can memorize it by tomorrow night. I'll catch y'all on the flip side.
Song of the Day: Me and Milee- ALLCAPS
(Look at that! Two ALLCAPS songs in a row and not even on purpose!)
Today is August 31, 2010.
(Fun fact: I just typed 2009. It is August and I still am unsure of the year.)
This means that today is also the last day of BEDA.
It's a sad, sad day.
I still have to find a monologue so I don't really have a lot of time, but I will definitely keep blogging (not every day, but more often than before!) and I will also keep making videos as much as I can. I've had a lot of fun this month exploring blogging and vlogging and just putting myself out there. I've also enjoyed reading everyone else's blogs and comments and learning more about them! I can't wait for April to do this again. =)
Also, tomorrow is September 1st, which means . . . 2 months until NaNoWriMo! I'm sooo excited for it. I'm already trying to think of ideas for my novel. I will WIN this year! November also marks the anniversary of me becoming a Nerdfighter. I can not tell you how much this community means to me and how much fun I have had now that I've been part of it. I love everybody in Nerdfighteria and all the amazing people that I've met, and how accepting and helpful and caring everyone I've met has been.
Don't even get me started on the Harry Potter fandom. That's a rambling for another day.
So, I'm gonna stop procrastinating and actually find a monologue so I can memorize it by tomorrow night. I'll catch y'all on the flip side.
Song of the Day: Me and Milee- ALLCAPS
(Look at that! Two ALLCAPS songs in a row and not even on purpose!)
Day 30: Procrastination
I am the kind of person that waits until the last possible second to do everything. As a result, I end up looking like this a lot:
For example, today I should have been going through this pile of plays for a monologue.
Instead, I was busy doing this.
All that coloring wore me out (obviously) and now I need to sleep, so I can get up early to find a monologue for my auditions on . . . Wednesday . . .
However, you can expect a BIG EXCITING PARTY BLOG tomorrow in honor of the last day of BEDA!
WOOT!
Stick around if you want to party!
*party blower solo*
Song of the Day: Your Song- ALLCAPS
For example, today I should have been going through this pile of plays for a monologue.
Instead, I was busy doing this.
All that coloring wore me out (obviously) and now I need to sleep, so I can get up early to find a monologue for my auditions on . . . Wednesday . . .
However, you can expect a BIG EXCITING PARTY BLOG tomorrow in honor of the last day of BEDA!
WOOT!
Stick around if you want to party!
*party blower solo*
Song of the Day: Your Song- ALLCAPS
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Day 29: A Good Day. And A Mockingjay Redemption.
I'm having a super good day today! I moved most of my stuff into my dorm, I've found out that I can get most of my books I need for classes from the library, and the rest I can rent for pretty cheap from the campus bookstore, and I'm getting a super good deal on a box set of the Hunger Games trilogy tomorrow. Life is good. =)
I can't write a long blog because I'm about to go work out and it's already late, but I had to put something up. =P
Also, I wanted to let you guys know that even though I hated Mockingjay while reading, and was so shaken up afterward that, while I liked it, I couldn't talk much about it at first, it's getting better. The more time that goes by, the more I like it. In fact, I ALREADY want to re-read the whole series again, and I just re-read the first two before I got Mockingjay. I think now that the initial shock and horror of the book has worn off, I'm starting to appreciate it even more. Just thought everyone might like to know. (Especially anyone I might have scared off with my blog post yesterday.)
Alright, off to work out while watching Chamber of Secrets.
NERD.
Song of the Day: Wild Young Hearts- The Noisettes
I can't write a long blog because I'm about to go work out and it's already late, but I had to put something up. =P
Also, I wanted to let you guys know that even though I hated Mockingjay while reading, and was so shaken up afterward that, while I liked it, I couldn't talk much about it at first, it's getting better. The more time that goes by, the more I like it. In fact, I ALREADY want to re-read the whole series again, and I just re-read the first two before I got Mockingjay. I think now that the initial shock and horror of the book has worn off, I'm starting to appreciate it even more. Just thought everyone might like to know. (Especially anyone I might have scared off with my blog post yesterday.)
Alright, off to work out while watching Chamber of Secrets.
NERD.
Song of the Day: Wild Young Hearts- The Noisettes
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Day 28: Working Through My (Spoiler-Free) Mockingjay Feelings
Since I'm going to be spending most of tonight packing like a maniac for move-in tomorrow, I think I'll write my blog now.
What I want to do is write about Mockingjay, as I've just finished it about an hour ago. But the thing is, I can't. I can't even form words or coherent thoughts about the book right now. I'm still so much in . . . shock, I guess. It affected me very powerfully and I'm not sure exactly why, although I've been trying to form theories. However, since I can't really express my thoughts and feelings about it, I thought I'd link you to someone who shares almost my exact feelings, and did a much better job than me of putting them into words.
Here's Kristina Horner's blog post about Mockingjay: http://italktosnakes.blogspot.com/2010/08/numb-no-spoilers.html
And here's the comment I left her on that post, which is pretty much the best the I could get out of me right now.
"You've pretty much just summed up almost all of my feelings about this book. I've just finished it too, and about halfway through I had to put it down and wasn't sure I could finish. I'm not sure why it affected me SO violently, but I spent at least half the book sobbing and the other half kind of in a half-reality; kind of numb, as you said. I'm still not fully here. It was only after I finished that I could really appreciate it, because while I was reading, it was just too difficult. I'm glad that you were able to put your feelings into words, because they're very similar to mine and I just couldn't get the words out."
Now, if you haven't read Mockingjay, I'm not going to spoil anything for you. What I will say is what I hoped someone would say to me the entire time I was reading, and what terrified me that no one said: Keep going. If you start it and it's hard to get through and you want to stop the way that I did (I know many people may have felt this way, although I'm not sure if anyone else had the incredibly insane reaction I had), don't give up. Even if it's hard, it's more rewarding to finish. You'll want to finish, or else you'll end at the bad and the difficult and won't get the resolution. The closure. (I hate that word and everything it implies, but I'm honestly not in any place to think of a better one right now.) The little bit of peace that keeps me now from sobbing again at the horrible things I felt while reading. The epilogue is honestly the one thing that fixed the book for me. Had it not been for the epilogue (and, honestly, the last chapter), I don't think I'd ever be able to read it again. I needed that ending to be able to appreciate the book. And if you don't finish and get to the ending, then you'll just be left with everything you couldn't handle about the book as your last memories of it, like I almost was, because no one made me feel like I would be alright if I finished. Everyone was highly secretive about what happened and if it ended well or not, which I appreciated, but not having anyone directly tell me "You need to finish it. You'll regret it if you don't" terrified me. It made me almost feel as if I SHOULD stop right there, because I wouldn't be able to handle the ending. Not hearing "It's going to be okay" made me feel as if it wouldn't. However, I kept reading, and although the ending (well, the whole book) was difficult, I'm glad I didn't stop.
When I was in the third chapter, I texted my friend Taylor saying that I hated the book so far because it was depressing. His response was that it was honest, and that was what was most important. When he said that, I couldn't have cared less about honesty- I wanted my happy ending. I wanted the excitement, the romance, the gripping suspense I had in the first two books and I didn't care what was honest, what was real or not real.
But now that I've finished, I've realized he was right. It may not have been at all like the first two books, but it had something the first two didn't: honesty, just as Taylor said. I felt that in this book, Suzanne Collins didn't concern herself with what people wanted to hear or what would make a good story or whether Katniss ended up with Gale or Peeta or nobody at all. She simply told the story truthfully. And while that made it extremely painful for me to read, it also makes me appreciate it a bit more now that I'm done.
I do have to say that I preferred the first two, I think because a lot of things in this one were so hard for me to bear. But this book was nothing short of amazing and honest and well-written and a fantastic end to the trilogy.
And also, I said I wasn't going to write about Mockingjay but I guess once I started, it all came spilling out.
So sorry for the super long post, but I guess I had some things I really needed to get out.
Song of the Day: Don't Let Your Enemies Become Friends- The Spill Canvas
What I want to do is write about Mockingjay, as I've just finished it about an hour ago. But the thing is, I can't. I can't even form words or coherent thoughts about the book right now. I'm still so much in . . . shock, I guess. It affected me very powerfully and I'm not sure exactly why, although I've been trying to form theories. However, since I can't really express my thoughts and feelings about it, I thought I'd link you to someone who shares almost my exact feelings, and did a much better job than me of putting them into words.
Here's Kristina Horner's blog post about Mockingjay: http://italktosnakes.blogspot.com/2010/08/numb-no-spoilers.html
And here's the comment I left her on that post, which is pretty much the best the I could get out of me right now.
"You've pretty much just summed up almost all of my feelings about this book. I've just finished it too, and about halfway through I had to put it down and wasn't sure I could finish. I'm not sure why it affected me SO violently, but I spent at least half the book sobbing and the other half kind of in a half-reality; kind of numb, as you said. I'm still not fully here. It was only after I finished that I could really appreciate it, because while I was reading, it was just too difficult. I'm glad that you were able to put your feelings into words, because they're very similar to mine and I just couldn't get the words out."
Now, if you haven't read Mockingjay, I'm not going to spoil anything for you. What I will say is what I hoped someone would say to me the entire time I was reading, and what terrified me that no one said: Keep going. If you start it and it's hard to get through and you want to stop the way that I did (I know many people may have felt this way, although I'm not sure if anyone else had the incredibly insane reaction I had), don't give up. Even if it's hard, it's more rewarding to finish. You'll want to finish, or else you'll end at the bad and the difficult and won't get the resolution. The closure. (I hate that word and everything it implies, but I'm honestly not in any place to think of a better one right now.) The little bit of peace that keeps me now from sobbing again at the horrible things I felt while reading. The epilogue is honestly the one thing that fixed the book for me. Had it not been for the epilogue (and, honestly, the last chapter), I don't think I'd ever be able to read it again. I needed that ending to be able to appreciate the book. And if you don't finish and get to the ending, then you'll just be left with everything you couldn't handle about the book as your last memories of it, like I almost was, because no one made me feel like I would be alright if I finished. Everyone was highly secretive about what happened and if it ended well or not, which I appreciated, but not having anyone directly tell me "You need to finish it. You'll regret it if you don't" terrified me. It made me almost feel as if I SHOULD stop right there, because I wouldn't be able to handle the ending. Not hearing "It's going to be okay" made me feel as if it wouldn't. However, I kept reading, and although the ending (well, the whole book) was difficult, I'm glad I didn't stop.
When I was in the third chapter, I texted my friend Taylor saying that I hated the book so far because it was depressing. His response was that it was honest, and that was what was most important. When he said that, I couldn't have cared less about honesty- I wanted my happy ending. I wanted the excitement, the romance, the gripping suspense I had in the first two books and I didn't care what was honest, what was real or not real.
But now that I've finished, I've realized he was right. It may not have been at all like the first two books, but it had something the first two didn't: honesty, just as Taylor said. I felt that in this book, Suzanne Collins didn't concern herself with what people wanted to hear or what would make a good story or whether Katniss ended up with Gale or Peeta or nobody at all. She simply told the story truthfully. And while that made it extremely painful for me to read, it also makes me appreciate it a bit more now that I'm done.
I do have to say that I preferred the first two, I think because a lot of things in this one were so hard for me to bear. But this book was nothing short of amazing and honest and well-written and a fantastic end to the trilogy.
And also, I said I wasn't going to write about Mockingjay but I guess once I started, it all came spilling out.
So sorry for the super long post, but I guess I had some things I really needed to get out.
Song of the Day: Don't Let Your Enemies Become Friends- The Spill Canvas
Friday, August 27, 2010
Day 27: Feelings Show
I just noticed how many of my blog post titles are song lyrics. Huh.
So today, I'm gonna do something I don't usually do, and something I'm a bit unsure about, which is share my personal feelings to the internet. (Nothing personal in the where-I-live how-to-find-me kind of way, but personal in the telling-you-how-I-actually-feel kind of way.) It's scary for me, because I don't like to share these kinds of feelings for a few reasons.
1. People start to think you're saying them because you want attention, or you want people to feel bad for you, or you want people to tell you you're wrong.
This is not the purpose of this post, I promise you.
2. People get uncomfortable about the personal and serious mood of the blog.
If you don't want to read it because it makes you uncomfortable, by all means, don't. I just need to get my feelings out.
3. Other reasons I don't feel like listing.
So, here it goes.
Lately, I've been feeling pretty lonely. Like I'm not important enough or don't really matter enough, like my friends and family don't care about me as much as I do them, like everyone puts other people- their other friends, their boyfriends/girlfriends, etc.- before me all the time.
Just to clear things up, I am NOT saying that I should be the most important person to anybody.
It's just that lately, sometimes it seems like I am the LEAST important person to everybody. And it really makes me feel lonely sometimes. A lot more lately than ever.
I don't know what it is, how it came about, exactly when it started, or how long it's going to stay. But what I do know is that it's a really sucky, awful feeling.
I think I've cried more this week, out of sheer loneliness and feelings of worthlessness, than I usually do in a month.
To clear up another thing, I am not depressed. I promise. I'm happy a lot of the time.
It's just that when these thoughts and feelings DO sneak up on me, they're strong and powerful and quick, and they really hurt.
I don't much know how to fix them or how to negate them. It doesn't matter how many times people tell me it's not true, or that I am important, or that I'm overreacting, because deep down, I know they're right. I know I'm not worthless, I know I'm not unimportant to everyone. But that doesn't make the feelings go away when something's happened that makes me feel like I am. Knowing it's not true only does goes so far, it's BELIEVING all the time that it's not true that I need to learn to do. And I don't know how.
I guess it's really hard to explain correctly. I don't know if anyone will truly understand this unless they are going through it too, or have gone through it before.
I guess I've just got to wait it out, keep praying about it. Maybe it's just a phase. I'm not sure. But if anyone else has dealt with this before and knows how to make it go away, I'd appreciate some tips, if you have them.
Sorry for the serious, sad blog. I'll try to make tomorrow's funny.
(Although, I've inherited my father's sense of humor, so we'll see how that goes.)
Song of the Day: I'll Be There For You- The Rembrandts
So today, I'm gonna do something I don't usually do, and something I'm a bit unsure about, which is share my personal feelings to the internet. (Nothing personal in the where-I-live how-to-find-me kind of way, but personal in the telling-you-how-I-actually-feel kind of way.) It's scary for me, because I don't like to share these kinds of feelings for a few reasons.
1. People start to think you're saying them because you want attention, or you want people to feel bad for you, or you want people to tell you you're wrong.
This is not the purpose of this post, I promise you.
2. People get uncomfortable about the personal and serious mood of the blog.
If you don't want to read it because it makes you uncomfortable, by all means, don't. I just need to get my feelings out.
3. Other reasons I don't feel like listing.
So, here it goes.
Lately, I've been feeling pretty lonely. Like I'm not important enough or don't really matter enough, like my friends and family don't care about me as much as I do them, like everyone puts other people- their other friends, their boyfriends/girlfriends, etc.- before me all the time.
Just to clear things up, I am NOT saying that I should be the most important person to anybody.
It's just that lately, sometimes it seems like I am the LEAST important person to everybody. And it really makes me feel lonely sometimes. A lot more lately than ever.
I don't know what it is, how it came about, exactly when it started, or how long it's going to stay. But what I do know is that it's a really sucky, awful feeling.
I think I've cried more this week, out of sheer loneliness and feelings of worthlessness, than I usually do in a month.
To clear up another thing, I am not depressed. I promise. I'm happy a lot of the time.
It's just that when these thoughts and feelings DO sneak up on me, they're strong and powerful and quick, and they really hurt.
I don't much know how to fix them or how to negate them. It doesn't matter how many times people tell me it's not true, or that I am important, or that I'm overreacting, because deep down, I know they're right. I know I'm not worthless, I know I'm not unimportant to everyone. But that doesn't make the feelings go away when something's happened that makes me feel like I am. Knowing it's not true only does goes so far, it's BELIEVING all the time that it's not true that I need to learn to do. And I don't know how.
I guess it's really hard to explain correctly. I don't know if anyone will truly understand this unless they are going through it too, or have gone through it before.
I guess I've just got to wait it out, keep praying about it. Maybe it's just a phase. I'm not sure. But if anyone else has dealt with this before and knows how to make it go away, I'd appreciate some tips, if you have them.
Sorry for the serious, sad blog. I'll try to make tomorrow's funny.
(Although, I've inherited my father's sense of humor, so we'll see how that goes.)
Song of the Day: I'll Be There For You- The Rembrandts
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Day 25: Wow. Today.
Well, today has been interesting. I had to cover a shift for a girl at work, which turned out to be a hundred small blessings camouflaged with SUCK, because I hate my job at had to wake up at 7, but the first half of my shift passed by pretty quickly, I got to watch the sunrise and go to a bagel shop that always closes early, and most of the breakfast orders (I never do breakfast so when the orders got tricky today I freaked out a bit) turned out to be really easy ones.
And I started having quite a bad day and feeling really bad about myself and kind of neglected and unloved and it seems lately that I've been really easily forgotten about by a lot of people. (I know, I know. But we all go through things like that now and again.) Anyways, I went to youth group with my cousin, and they spoke about that during worship. I felt like they were talking directly to me, and it was something I really needed to hear. I actually started crying right there, in the room full of people, in the middle of worship. But it made me feel better.
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Which brings me to another point. As probably everyone who actually reads my blog already knows, Nerdfighteria lost someone today. Esther Earl, a young girl who I didn't personally know, but knew of, died early this morning. She's had cancer for about four years, but I guess it finally got the best of her. (I don't really know many details.) I'm not going to pretend that I knew her well; I'd never even talked to her. But from what I did know of her, and what I've seen in videos, and what I've heard from countless others, she was a kind, sweet, brave, and generally awesome person. Lots of people (me included) were praying last night when she ended up in the ICU that she would make it out safely. Sadly for us, she did not. But I'd venture to guess that she's really happy where she is now, much happier than she could possibly be on earth, and she's not suffering anymore. So at least there's a bit of a blessing in the sadness of it all. I know Nerdfighteria will miss her and never forget her. Alabanza, Esther.
Song of the Day: Alabanza- In the Heights
And I started having quite a bad day and feeling really bad about myself and kind of neglected and unloved and it seems lately that I've been really easily forgotten about by a lot of people. (I know, I know. But we all go through things like that now and again.) Anyways, I went to youth group with my cousin, and they spoke about that during worship. I felt like they were talking directly to me, and it was something I really needed to hear. I actually started crying right there, in the room full of people, in the middle of worship. But it made me feel better.
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Which brings me to another point. As probably everyone who actually reads my blog already knows, Nerdfighteria lost someone today. Esther Earl, a young girl who I didn't personally know, but knew of, died early this morning. She's had cancer for about four years, but I guess it finally got the best of her. (I don't really know many details.) I'm not going to pretend that I knew her well; I'd never even talked to her. But from what I did know of her, and what I've seen in videos, and what I've heard from countless others, she was a kind, sweet, brave, and generally awesome person. Lots of people (me included) were praying last night when she ended up in the ICU that she would make it out safely. Sadly for us, she did not. But I'd venture to guess that she's really happy where she is now, much happier than she could possibly be on earth, and she's not suffering anymore. So at least there's a bit of a blessing in the sadness of it all. I know Nerdfighteria will miss her and never forget her. Alabanza, Esther.
Song of the Day: Alabanza- In the Heights
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