Today was an interesting day. And when I say interesting, I mean terribly uninteresting. I overslept and didn't go to class. (I really need to stop doing that.) I sat around and finished watching every last BetOnTheShnooks video on Youtube. I (UNINTENTIONALLY) stumbled upon ANOTHER old Youtube channel belonging to a Youtuber I really enjoy, one of the aforementioned Shnooks. I baked some cookies. I recorded my first VLODA video. I spent lots of time playing guitar. And I was bored out of my mind.
My sister left at around 8 this morning to visit her boyfriend at his school, which is roughly ten hours away (!) in the upper peninsula. My dad, who I spend a fair amount of time with, despite living most of the time with my mom, left last night for work and will not be back until Friday. My mom works overtime and usually doesn't get home until around 7:30, and then goes on her computer for a bit and goes to bed. And all my friends live too far away for me to see.
This results in a lonely week for me. I get quite used to being on my own, because the only person I really ever hang out with is my sister. I have a lot of friends online, and a few close ones IRL, but every single one in both categories lives far enough away that I can't see them without planning a roadtrip to do so.
And on days like today make me wonder what I'm doing wrong. I'm a really friendly person, and I talk to many people, but I can never seem to make friends of the sort that you spend time with. Most of my friends IRL are more like acquaintances, not someone I would call up to go to a show with me or to hang out with or whatever. I'm a bit shy when meeting newer people, but I become comfortable with people fairly quickly. I'm just not sure how to make friends that I can actually spend time with outside of school or church or dance or work.
It's just weird, because back in high school, I had a TON of friends. I wasn't popular by any stretch of the imagination, but I had friends everywhere. I was always going to sleepovers or bonfires or parties (not the crazy ones, fear not), I always had friends to hang out with after school or during the summer or on spring break or the weekends. I always had someone to talk to during class or sit with at lunch. And I was really happy. I know people say high school shouldn't be the best time of your life, but for me, it really was. I was the happiest then and I had the most going on and some of the best memories of my life. But since I've graduated, I've lost touch with almost everyone from high school. I know this is normal for most people, but most people seem to make new friends during college, many times friends that they keep for a long time after graduating. I haven't been able to form any close friendships with people in my university. I've met and made friends with a lot of people I absolutely love, but they mostly end up being the kind of friend you say hi to when you run into them on campus and wish them a happy birthday on Facebook and that's it. I guess I just miss having fun, you know? I feel like I don't have a lot of fun anymore.
Is this a problem that other people have? Or is it just me? I wish I knew how to correct it. I'm not really sure I remember how to form close friendships with people IRL, because I'm so used to the kind of relationships you form online, and how they become close relationships (or as close as they can get without actually having met the person) so easily. If you have any advice on the matter, I'd love to hear it.
I'm sorry if this post was kind of a downer, it's just something that's been on my mind a lot lately and been bothering me.
Hope you're all doing well and enjoying your week.
Currently reading: The Magician's Nephew by C.S. Lewis
Song of the Day: Lupin's Tale- Oliver Boyd and the Remembralls
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