Day 6: Something worth leaving behind.

"You are valuable because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are."
-Max Lucado

Do you ever wonder what the point is? Do you ever wonder if you'll ever be anything more than what you are?

When I was little, my mom used to tell me I was special. The same way, I suppose, that all mothers tell their children they're special. But I always believed her because of the story that went along with it. You see, before I came along, my mom was pregnant with her first child, Jamie. Jamie, unfortunately, never made it into the world. You can imagine the disappointment and heartbreak expectant parents feel when this happens, but God always has a plan, through the good times and the bad. Shortly afterward, my mom found out she was pregnant with me.

So she always used to tell me that there was a reason I was born instead. That although it was painful for her to lose Jamie, if she hadn't, I wouldn't be here. And that, she told me, made me special. It meant I was here for a particular reason. It meant that I would be important. And this made sense to me. It truly made me believe that I was destined for great things. That I would make a difference in the world. That I really would, someday, be special.

As I grew up I came to realize that there was nothing particularly interesting or different about me. I didn't feel special yet. I had big dreams, though, and I held on to those dreams, thinking they would be the difference. If I just followed my heart, kept my plans, chased my dreams, and didn't give up, I would become someone and I would find that meaning I was longing to find. The reason I was here.

Recently, I've been struggling with a similar feeling. The why-am-I-here feeling. Feeling like maybe there's no point to my life; after all, I've never done anything of worth, and who's to say I ever will? What if I never do anything of worth? What if I'm running out of time? During an emotional conversation with my mom last weekend, this feeling made a reappearance, and I mentioned it to her. She replied that it wasn't about me; whether or not I did something people would remember or did something that changed the world wasn't the important thing. It was about God and His plan, and He knows what he's doing. Every person on this Earth was put here for a reason, and each and every one one of us has a purpose. Just because you're not aware of what it is doesn't mean it doesn't exist. After all, you have no idea of the lives you've touched in your lifetime. You have no idea of who you've affected and how you've done so, or who may have had a better life, day, or even just couple of moments because of something you've done.

And I realize that she's right. I may never do anything that will change the course of history. I may never cure a disease, step onto a Broadway stage, paint a valuable painting, voice a Disney character, travel into space, write a book that makes people think differently about things. But somehow, sometime, to someone, I will make a difference. And isn't that reason enough to believe that I matter?

It's hard sometimes, to remember that your life isn't all about you and whether or not people will remember your name. It's about so many more things. You, of course, are an extremely important part of it. But it's also about every person you come in contact with, everything you do, and the One who gave you life. Sometimes it just takes remembering this to see how much you mean.

Currently reading: Survival in Auschwitz by Primo Levi (Ahh, History 1300)
Song of the Day: The More I Seek You- Kari Jobe